WHEW! What journey it has been. I am exhausted but I am taking each day at a time. Just to do a short recap since Mid-January I have been flaring. It has been a variation of full body pain/stiffness, mobility issues, swelling (including face) and just a whirlwind of things. I have been trying my best to just take it easy and thought it would subside. The week of Feb. 5th my body was getting a bit worse. I had a dentist appointment that Thursday and it took everything in me not to cancel. I remember how much pain my whole body was in and I remember how my chest was not feeling right. Laying flat was really bothering me. I made it through the majority of the visit but the last 10 minutes I had to take a break because it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I went home and crashed for the rest of the day. Friday I went to work and instantly regretted it and the weekend I needed my mother’s assistance moving around the house. I remember the entire Sunday I stayed in bed could barely get up to eat and use the restroom. I remember passing out and missing the Super bowl, Usher’s grand performance the whole 9 yards. When my mother got home I was legit in the same spot.
Monday the 12th I put on my freshest pair of pajamas and went to the ER. I brought my handy dandy backpack just incase they wanted to keep me. I got there around 1pm and thankfully it was only me and 2 other people. Within 10 minutes I was put into a room. I recapped how I’ve been feeling and the new chest pain that is creeping back. In my records, it is known that I had pericarditis so whenever I mention chest pain the doctors are on it. They revved up the IV and started doing blood work, etc. They also did an EKG on me and they brought the x-ray machine to my bed and took X-Rays. That never happened before i was actually impressed. When I got situated and called my mom to inform her before the morphine fully kicked in. I was expecting her to come around 5-6pm but she left work early and was there around 3pm. I wasn’t nervous or anxious, I was just relieved that I came to the ER to get checked. The doctors said it would be better to keep me overnight and a few hours later I was moved up to a room. By now I know the routine: every few hours a nurse will come in and check my vitals, bloodwork will be taken and it would be random pop-ins from the doctors trying to figure out what is wrong.
By the time I was moved up to a room, dinner was over so thankfully my mother went to Whole Foods. I got weighed by one of the nurses and realized I lost 9 pounds since the 1st. My appetite has been shaky but I did not know it was that bad. One of the residents returned and was asking a series of questions: when did the flare start, symptoms, the basic questions of them trying to find out what’s wrong. The first night was VERY rough because by the time the night nurse came the morphine was slowly wearing off and I asked if morphine or the alternative can be given. The nurse did her ultimate best paging the dr.’s but she said she had to give me Oxycodone. I told her it will not work but she was informed that I would have to try it first then see. I took the oxycodone and was told to wait 30 minutes for it to kick, i waited an hour and by then the pain was back throughout my body especially my back. Screaming in agony, that is when the nurse was finally given the morphine so it could stop the pain. My mother stayed past the visiting hour deadline to ensure that it kicked in and I was fine before she went home. I ended my first night trying to eat dinner and watching WWE Monday Night Raw. I am a wrestling fan through and through!
Tuesday morning the 13th: 5am the nurse came in to get my vitals and do bloodwork. Pain just had me in a death grip. The best way I could describe it was like I have been pummeled by a ton of bricks. I could barely walk even with my cane and my hands and wrists felt flimsy I couldn’t grab anything or make a fist. Despite the pain I made sure to walk around the room and the hallway to get my body moving. I declined the heparin shot (prevents blood clots) so I wanted to ensure I was moving and grooving. The doctors came by and I expressed my concern about last night with the meds. Basically they told me that when I am now in patient they will change the meds to pill form instead of IV because when I get released I won’t have those IV meds. Again, something I wish I was told when I was sent up. During our conversation the transporter came to get me so I can get my chest ultrasound. That was supposed to take 30-1hour, that took an hour and some change because the student was not doing it right so the tech had to step in. Being on that hard bed was so uncomfortable and irritated my body pain. I was so happy that was over. It took so long, when I returned to my room the cook thought I was done with my breakfast and I had to tell her I just got back. I was annoyed but I did my best to stay in high spirits.
The highlight of my day was my mother. I was just excited for my mom to come so I could take my mind off the morning I had. We spent the day/evening watching TV and just catching up. Nurses and other staff popping in and making sure I am okay. I was told 1) they checked my ultrasound and there is fluid around my heart and lungs. A mild case of pericarditis and 2)Rheumatologist was going to stop by and speak to me. Long story short that never happened. because it was around 7pm and I realized no one came by to keep me updated. I voiced my concern to the nurses and they brought in the evening doctor to speak to me. He stopped by room and apologized profusely on the communication error. He said he will make a note that first thing in the morning the doctors will come to my room. One thing about me, I understand things get hectic and I know I am not the only patient but why wasn’t there any communication? Someone could’ve relayed the message to the nurse that A) the rheumatologist couldn’t stop by and B) that I was going to be staying another night. No one likes to feel like they are left in the dark. I ended my night watching WWE NXT. Wrestling really is my safe haven, it felt nice kicking my feet up and watching.
Wednesday 2/14 I was woken up to a knock to do my bloodwork and vitals. The nurses also made Valentine’s Day hearts and were handing them out to the patients, how cute! It was around 7:30am, the resident who I have been speaking to stopped by and apologized profusely about the Rheum not showing up but she even agreed a note or email should have been left. And I said if I am here because of my heart then that is something that should be treated with urgency. I explained to her how I would rather get the meds I need and go home because I was over it. I spent sometime clearing my head and walking the halls. My mom came and I told her I was leaving and just waiting on my discharge papers and for them to remove my IV. I knew my big dose of meds were coming any second so I tried to eat a bit of my breakfast. I took my meds with the food and not even 30 minutes later my body rejected it. I was so nervous they were going to try and make me stay. But I kept saying I was fine. I laid back down while my mother got me tea to settle my stomach. Lunch came and I ended up taking it to go and we went home.
I never been so elated to be in my own bed and back into my own space after 2 nights. This experience put a sour taste in my mouth because I never had a communication error like that before. That is a vital factor in everything. Anyways, I also was surprised that the pericarditis returned. It seems to be a lasting effect because it has been since 2021 and it just keeps coming and going. This past month has been so hard to navigate and function daily. My body has been fighting me for so long, days I just feel defeated. I just hope that I can get back to “regular” self soon. I am telling myself it is okay to feel these emotions because this is hard. You never know how your body is going to react everyday; it is such a gamble. But I am staying strong and taking my time to recover. Best believe after this hurdle, I am taking a mini getaway somewhere. I need it!
In The Lup With Munah 